Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Faith and Hope

Yesterday, I felt a good bit of frustration at work. Well, maybe a lot! I am so close to the end of my career as public school teacher and more specifically as science coach for the last three years. As anyone would desire, I want to leave behind something of purpose...of value. However, I am working with a government grant as a science coach and with anything government related, there is RED TAPE (lots of it). Hence ----frustration.

 I am in this weird place between two very different worlds... one as a working girl for 31 years and one of retirement where I look forward to doing so many things I have dreamed of for so long. It is a strange place...I find it difficult to let go of school - one minute I am dreaming up the next great lesson plan - and then the next going - no, I need to clean out all my school stuff. 

I struggle with the unknown yet anxiously await it. Anyway, I guess the next few weeks will have me in this strange holding pattern where I feel like I am circling around with no clear path. I have been praying about the next stage of life. It is exciting and scary at the same time. I genuinely can't wait to retire and do some things at home that I have put off for far too long, yet, I am uneasy because it will be so different.

I absolutely love growing roses. I took pride in my roses for many years, but the last few years, the work load became so heavy, that I neglected my once prized rose bushes. Couple the neglect from the past few years with the most brutal winter this year I can remember for our area and that equals a dead rose garden. Only one hung on. It really is hard to kill roses, but they were toast.

In anticipation of the coming days, I have bought and planted all new roses but one. They are so tiny, but I have checked on them and babied them every day!

My tiny little bits of hope. The smallest one is a Chrsyler Imperial. I had to special order her.

I can't wait to see roses. They are so small, that it seems impossible that I will see any great roses this spring, but I hope.

My only one that held on from the previous years is my Queen Elizabeth.

Now, she is a hardy one. She was pulled up by one of the dogs, so she surely should have been the one to give up. Yet, she has held on and I can't wait for those buds to pop open.

I told my hubby the other day that for my retirement gift I wanted a dozen pink roses. That is so unlike me, as I am a very practical girl, but I told you retirement has me very emotional. I don't want a practical gift. For once, I just want a straight up SAPPY gift. 

This is not one of my roses, but it will be again. I am looking forward to the future.

And yes, I know my Heavenly Father has all the unknowns all worked out, so I will look forward and give my hopes to HIM and have faith that He has it all planned out.

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