Relieved, but oh so sad

This is not my usual post, hence, the comments are turned off.
I need to unload my scattered thoughts.At the end of the day yesterday, I just cried.

I write this blog as much for myself and posterity's sake than for anyone else to actually read. I need to mark this storm named Michael.

Along the Gulf Coast for which I have lived most of my 58 years. A stint away as a baby in Germany and Columbus, Georgia and then away for college and first year of teaching have been the only years away from the area. Here we have stories for each named storm. They are part of the fabric of our lives.

Yesterday was no different.

This one started out as being marked by me having to be calm because Lindsay had worked herself up with the expecting of her first child that she might be one who gave birth during a storm. She wouldn't be able to get to the hospital, no epidural, etc., etc., etc.
She grew worse when she was called to say her regular appointment would be canceled and then that the hospital where she would deliver if little Tucker came was actually being evacuated. After a few phone calls, it was decided she and Tyler would come here as there would be no bridges to cross and the hospital just down the road.

Mind you at this point in time, we were all thinking our usual Cat 3 storm. They are NOT a walk in the park, but we have lived through them many a time. We know they are not fun and leave behind lots of problems, but yet, we know how to manage them.

However, yesterday with the family all gathered here to bunker down and the TV on, we watched and waited as this thing blew up BIG. We kept waiting for the turn northeast that they do.

FOR a good while, it didn't seem to look like it was going to turn. My stomach turned sick as I thought this is not going to be our usual. My mind was racing, but I had to outwardly look as if it were no problem. With Lindsay, Tyler (who has never been through one), and Mom PLUS Jeff's older brother and sister (he was an accident baby) I began to think we would be huddled in one room worried about surviving with trees falling on us or back of the house windows being blown out.

Calm face....insides in turmoil.

IT did finally make that turn. For a fleeting moment, I felt intense relief.

In all my years, I have never really had a storm where I was on the west side of a large storm. Always the east.

It is SO DIFFERENT. Normally, the water rushes in and white caps in our little bayou. Instead it was being pulled out and the wind blowing in a different direction. Honestly, a lot less scary. AND I had power, so I could see and imagine first hand what was happening in real time just to the east of me.

2 miles per hour less than a Cat 5 makes it a Cat 5 in my book when you realize over the coming weeks what they will find in that area. It will take weeks to know the full extent of it. That area is less populated in many ways, but yet, it is truly one of the most beautiful areas in all of the planet not just Florida.

There are no planned communities or condos, but rather just beautiful old Florida.

I mourn for those people and all they have lost, but also for the beauty of nature that has been devastated because that is what it will be ---pure devastation.

I once remember another place that had big sand dunes and looked totally different. Gulf Shores pre Hurricane Frederick. In those once sea oats covered sand dunes are now tall condos.

It takes decades to rebuild them. I have watched our own Okaloosa Island rebuild the sand dunes following storms of far less magnitude.

I guess at the end of the day, I was whipped. I kept thinking of how blessed I was, but how unfortunate others were. My heart aches for them.

I was so relieved that Lindsay was okay and that Tucker will hopefully arrive this next week right on schedule.

As we were driving home from taking Mama back to her place, the flashing lights were just a few doors down. My neighbor that I have shared with before lost her husband during the storm. She had just gotten a full house generator in case we had a storm. He has  a rare form of early onset Alzheimer's. I honestly don't even remember the name of his disease, but it is awful. My heart broke for her to have to deal with that as well.

It is called life. Almost all of us have been through equally troubling times if not worse. We all have stories of troubles. We are not immune to them.

So at some point last evening, when it was just Jeff, me and the dogs sitting there I busted out tears.

Tears of mourning for others and such sincere gratefulness to God that we were spared.

I got on my knees and just thanked the Lord and prayed for the others. I will continue to pray for the others.

A couple of years ago I read a passage of Scripture from Daniel. It just stopped me in my tracks that day. One of my favorite verses is Daniel 12:3 "And those who have insight will shine brightly like the brightness of the expanse of heaven, and those who lead many to righteous like the stars forever and ever." A noble aspiration...one I try to live by. Chapter 12 is the last chapter in the book of Daniel who was a prophet and the latter part of the book is said to prophecy of the end times. I had overlooked or as I believe the Bible to be a living book had it opened to my eyes that day the latter part of that chapter.

Daniel 12:4 says that many of us will go back and forth and knowledge will increase.
For all of our smaller more traveling world and constant knowledge at our fingertips, we have grown ever more increasingly mean towards our fellow man.

Daniel 12:10 begins with words that the Lord had told Daniel to seal up until the end times.
"Many will be purged, purified and refined; but the wicked will act wickedly, and none of the wicked will understand, but those who have insight will understand."

This is not a political post. I could not care less what political party one ascribes too. I care about Jesus. Oh how I miss the days of going in a closet-like contraption to vote and pulling the curtain and pre yard sign days. I think that made us still love our neighbors a bit better.

I am not mentioning Daniel 12 to necessarily predict which days we are in, but to point out that we are certainly missing the point of leading and loving others to Christ.

In light of the past few years in the news, when will we stop the madness to love our neighbors.
In reality probably not, but as a Jesus follower I simply must do better. I must shine that light for Christ.

People are hurting. There will always be hurting people. Somewhere around the world there is something going on and love needs to be doled out.

I can't do much more than pray and offer assistance to those that have been left with nothing after Michael. I will look for opportunities to do that. I will also hug my family a little closer and when the sun comes up this morning I will watch that sunrise and thank the good Lord for my view and my blessings today for I know not what comes tomorrow.

Matthew 6:34 says; "Therefore do not be anxious for tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

You can see I am up with needing to unload my weary mind. I will be fine. I have so much to be thankful for and I am just so mindful of it right now.

Be back with my usual posts soon,
Sandy